“Once upon a time, I was walking with my tablet along the street googling some stuff when I met a dragon in the forest. Before I could convert my words into a piercing scream, a worm hole appeared and I ran right into it….” my cousin went ahead to dramatize the action part of the story.
He jumped onto the carpet and rolled, then stood up holding his mum’s smartphone in his hands. ” I appeared in a desert that was soooooo hot! ” he faked a sigh and fainted on the woolly carpet. ” the sand was frying my feet black ,like the pancake Loria made yesterday and grandma threw it away,” he pointed a stick-like index finger at me.
I felt all eyes on me. Grandma had spent the whole afternoon chastising and poking me with the end of her cooking stick. I had cost the family their Christmas breakfast by turning three quarters of the pancakes into charcoal after boasting the whole holiday of how good my culinary skills were. I slowly sank into the sofa and turned my full attention to the toddler whom I was plotting to skin after his storytelling escapede ends.
“All of a sudden, ” he popped his tiny white eyes out and pursed his lips, “a huge bird flew above me in the clear blue sky. It was crying. ” I think he meant to say laughing because no bird in its right mind would cry for him, unless it cried due to the thin state of its meal.
” The tablet had fallen into the sand, some few feet away from me, so I had to crawl towards it.” He was now on the carpet hopping. ” The huge bird was floating in the air like the kite mom bought me last holiday.” He jumped to his feet, spread his arms wide and begun flapping like a chick. He then sat down and continued.” I grabbed the tablet and turned it on. When the bird saw this, it stopped floating and dived in my direction like a jet. I immediately knew what to do to stop the enemy from taking what’s mine.So I went to the camera application, set it to selfy mode and snapped a picture of me and the bird in the background. All of a sudden,the flash of the camera turned into a laser beam which struck the bird in mid air, injuring it’s wing.”
My cousin was now showing a picture in the smartphone to the stupefied village kids that had sat around him forming a circle. I smiled to myself. That photo he was proudly showing off was taken in Kisumu National park when my dad forced me to babysit him the entire trip. It was a picture of he and I posing in front of an ostrich that was pacing behind a wooden fence, waiting for an opportune moment to take a bite off the smartphone the camera man held. It was my turn to look at the fateful photo that summarised his quest. What a cheeky boy! He had cropped my face out of the picture. He went back to center of the circle and sat down once more. ” the bird fell down KABOOOOM!”. His guttural voice sounded more like a busted car engine than an actual explosion.
“Eeeh, my friends! I woke up and ran and ran and ran and ran, like neighbour Jackie’s skinny dog and never looked back!” My cousin is a pathological liar, the only thing he never puts his back on is food.
“I had ran 30 kilometers without stopping. ” he moved his arms alternatingly back and forth like a runner, until he froze midway. ” I saw a castle rising before my eyes forcing me to stop. My feet were on fire as they were smoking like a chimney. So, I had to walk while digging my feet into the sand to cool them down.” he stabbed his feet into the carpet and begun to drag them.
” As I approached the gates, I met a Chinku. ” A ‘Chinku’ is my cousin’s formulated name for Chinese people. ” He had Sumsang Phantom 6 in his pocket and a sword in his left hand.” He held an imaginary sword in his hand but to me it was more of a panga (machete). “He pointed at me with it and said, ‘You are the boy who escaped from my dragon!”. I shook my head ‘Yes’ and stood like Jackie Chan, ready to fight.” He folded his arms and made his hands into fists,ready to fight. The village kids held their breaths. I even spotted a glittering drop of sweat on one’s forehead.
” I put my LG tablet down and took my samurai sword out… ” I wondered where he got that. He had not mentioned it anywhere in the story. ” I was Jackie Chan and he was Jet Li…..Waaaaaah! ” He jumped about making fighting motions with his limbs while imitating the way the Asians talk and squeal when fighting. ” Twa! Twa! Twa! “he threw punches at an imaginary assailant.” We fought for thirty minutes. He was down and I was up. The swords were like ‘Ting! Ting! Ting!’ ” he made a swooshing motion. ” He was now under my feet and my sandals on his grasshopper-like jaws.” Wait a minute! Has he ever seen a grasshopper’s leg, not to mention a jaw? These city kids!
” I put my sword in his chest like Schwarzenegger and told him ” You can not defeat me!'” His deep voice sounded more funnier than I pictured it. “Before I could end him, a worm hole appeared and I was sucked back into the forest.” He lay still on the carpet . “The dragon stood before me like the mighty lizard I killed with Jose yesterday in the granary..” Jose shouted a proud loud ‘yes’ to confirm what his pal had just revealed to their ‘awed’ counterparts. Anyways, I know it was a gecko…,a baby gecko. I hoped mama gecko was listening. I was there when the murder took place . For once, he was told the truth.
“I knelt on the wet grass and faced the beast. He breathed fire and had teeth and scales of a shark.” He opened his mouth to reveal gap-filled jaws. Milk teeth had paved way for the peeping permanent teeth. “In my heart, I knew the only way to kill the evil dragon was my tablet.” He held high the smartphone in his palms and every wandering eye was drawn to it, mine too.
” I stretched my hand to the heavens as Thor does and stared coldly into the blazing eyes of the dragon.” He parted his legs,stretched his right arm to the ceiling and stared murderously at the TV set before him. “Dragon begun to march towards me,increasing it’s pace each minute… ” Little hearts pumped💓💓.
“The dragon jumped, sure to crush me beneath its weight. Mid air, I could see my tablet jetting in, ” his left hand imitated a speeding jet. In a sudden movement,he threw himself on the carpet like someone ducking bullets and went silent for a minute. ” My tablet went crushing into the beast’s belly and tore through it before settling into my hand.” The listeners’ mouth were wide open, except a few who whispered, “Waaah! “in their breaths.
In a triumphant look, my little cousin turned to me as if expecting me to back him up. I shrugged my shoulders. The pressure to support him intensified the moment everyone turned to look at me. I decided to give in. “The truth is, ” I paused magnifying the suspense. ” Babysitting time is over. Your mum wants you back, Jimmy.” A frown germinated on his smile,flowering into an angry look. “Loriaaaaaaaa!” the tantrums begun.