Respect and trust are the two things that are not given but earned.
First and foremost, i am human and humans make mistakes. I am not perfect. I am not an angel, just a normal human being- though not an average one (got to give myself some credit 😀). Several times i have broken the trust of those close to me. I have lied,cheated and hurt someone. I have made enemies. That is how humans are….imperfect.
So take this scenario where you are in a relationship. Once in a while, everyone longs for friendship, not that the one you love is not enough ,but you want fresh ideas and different opinions from what you are accustomed to.
You try out for greener pastures. As a girl,trying this stunt is hard. 90% of every guy you meet is not satisfied with being just friends. Most men are not fans of the friend zone,it is either be mine or be someone else’s. However, a few of them accept the handshake of friendship and remain glad to have received such a position.
Neither does your partner nor his friends know that you are seeking for friendship and nothing more. It is a ‘hush hush’ mission. Unfortunately, guys know each other (even the new comer in town has a high chance of knowing your better half in a few hours after arrival !) and the wrong kind of rumours have a habit of cropping up in friendly reunions.
Eventually you manage to fish one guy you see suitable as a friend. He agrees to it. You have no worry that he may want to veer into another scene called ‘going to the next level’. Three weeks goes by as friends, you meet at your free time for coffee or drinks, to hung out,to chat, to debate etc. Nothing wrong happens at that time. Week 9, he starts being weird. He knows you have a boyfriend but he gets jealous and clingy. Anytime you talk about your relationship he gets bored and excuses himself. On week 11, he breaks it down he wants the next level or he’s out.
You refuse. The trouble starts. A wounded animal is aggressive and dangerous. He is hurt and he needs a way,a bitter method to get back at you. He spreads rumours about the two of you, one of them being that of sleeping together ( yet you have never even seen his knees or elbows ) .
Everything goes wrong….. Your better half hears it and gets mad. He thinks you cheated on him since his ‘brothers’ told him the distorted hearsay. Trust dwindles between the two of you and it dawns on you that if he’ll forgive you he’ll never forget and if he doesn’t ,someone is going to pay.
Back to square one!
Now you have to earn the trust that you have lost, the trust that took more than a year to build.