Domestic violence plaguing Kenyan homes. Is it physical or emotional abuse you face? Or BOTH.

What turns lovers into killers? What turns the love sour? Humans are everything but constant,we change both physically, psychologically and emotionally since the day we took our first breath at birth. People change. The change might be for the better or worse.

Domestic violence is an issue in marriages. The violence can be physical: blows, slaps, kicks, rape etc, or emotional.

Emotional violence is usually subtle.

Full effect of this form of domestic abuse is felt way later in the relationship because psychological pain is normally rejected by the victims.

Emotional abuse has the following major signals;

  1. Guilt, self-hate
  2. Low self esteem
  3. Timidity around friends
  4. Taking all the blame when things go wrong in the relationship
  5. Unsocial behaviour
  6. Self doubt
  7. Suicidal thoughts
  8. Thoughts of unworthiness
  9. Second guessing your decisions more frequently since the relationship began.
  10. Anxiety

The abuser will usually blame the partner when the relationship does not work out or for the problems the two encounter. A relationship is built on two people, not one.

Emotional abuse also manifests through words. Verbal abuse, derogatory remarks and backbiting. Back stabbing partners slander their lovers to their friends or strangers and when the news gets out, self esteem of the victim is badly damaged and social interaction basically goes down the drain.

Emotional abuse finally evolves into physical violence.

What a man thinks or says results into action. Verbal threats of murder or beatings should be taken seriously. Most men and women assume that their love is strong enough to block this physical violence from existing in their homes, unfortunately, words are just a sign of the darkness.

Physical abuse is as plain as day. Bruises, cuts, scars, hospital and police records or reports on the violence and eventually death. Abusers use threats to intimidate their partner. Clever abuses use their guilt to restore stability after blasting their foundations with blows and kicks.

Babe i’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Forgive me, baby, it won’t happen again.”Or they say, ” You made me do it. It is your fault i got physical. You deserved this. It because of your disrespect that made me do it.”

It’s time to choose life. Speak out. Speak up. Open up your eyes and see the signs. It’s time to move out.

What makes the victims stay in violent marriages? It’s the false hope that their partner will change. It is the rejection of that gut feeling telling you that once he/she raised a hand against you, it wont stop. It’s the denial that your relationship is broken and can not be mended. Is the shame of divorce and societal views keeping you chained up in in an abusive marriage?

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