african life issues relationships

Reasons why best buddies make the worst enemies.

  • Secrets

The upside of having a best pal by your side is that you get to know their true colors ,that is, their real face behind the mask. Down side of keeping no secrets from your best-friend-forever is, when things derail in future, your secrets crumble with the friendship and all your enemies plus haters will have a field day eating the big cake of personal information dished out by your once-been-bff. To be on the safe side, don’t be too quick to trust. Just like Jesus was betrayed by one of his 12 inner circle member, Judas, keep both ears and eyes open.

An advice from an African proverb: A man with secrets is powerful.

  • Jealousy

Once in my sophomore year at campus, i used to hang out with this chick i called ‘friend’. She was the opposite of me in both character and personality but we did have something in common, the units we studied. One time, the exam we took was not a walk in the park but when the results came 3/4 of the class had a pass except a few who were below the pass mark. My friend was among the chosen few.

Being among the ‘least of these’ she had to re-sit the paper at the end of the semester. As a result of this occurrence she stopped hanging out with me. The reason clearly known to me. This was not the first time she put me aside like a worn out shoe, several times i caught her snickers,frowns and eye-rolling moments when something good happened to me.

There was a time her crush ( a tall brown guy with clean shaven head and a full beard coupled with popping eyes and thick lips) had a crush on me. I didn’t know about that until two years later when i bumped into him. In that period of blissful cluelessness, my friend was hostile, moody and rude to me. Our association ended briefly after the bouts of bitchiness fueled by slander and backstabbing conversations unleashed upon me within and without her coven of girlfriends- i proudly refer to now as the witches of rumour mill.

Jealousy and envy is poison ivy. One taste and it consumes all goodness within and turns your blood green.

  • Competition

Healthy competition is highly encouraged since it’s aim is self improvement and better productivity. However the dark side of competition is majorly fuel by low self esteem and jealousy.

A competitive friend will try to out-do you in every field of life starting from your hobbies, relationships, fashion and even academics. It is easy to spot this type of leviathan friend because they rarely hide it. If you wear jeans to work ,she will wear jeans with rips the following day. When you buy the latest trending gadget, she/he will dump the one he/she has and buy one similar to yours.

In cases of relationship, they may try to win over your better half just to prove that they can score the same taste as you. In academics, they will compare and contrast their results with yours just to see if they had beaten your grade.

These type of friends use you as the measuring standard. When this dream of defeating you becomes impossible, it gives birth to jealousy and they settle with destroying what makes you shine.

If you can’t beat them, destroy them. The mantra of a jealous heart.

  • Different social circles

When your best buddy begins to roll with the cool-dude clique while you are left at the side for emergency situations such as emotional breakdowns and advice generating moments. This new group is very different and way apart from what you two had.

Your friend spends more and more time trying to fit in and make new connections even if it means your friendship might be severed and cut away from existence. You see each other less and the visits become rare until you forget there was a friend.

They hangout in places you could never see yourself stepping into for the next thousand years. The way your friend behaves around the new group changes tremendously and he/she becomes a stranger. As the days go by, your friend no longer sits with you at lunch breaks or walk you home. In the end, you remain all alone.

Why scratch the ground like a chicken when you can roam the skies as the eagle you are?

  • Lies

A white lie. It doesn’t hurt the first few times you say it until the truth decides to crash the party. Friends lie, either once or twice, or frequently depending on how deep the devil got his claws in their heart.

You know that your friend’s girl/boyfriend is cheating yet you choose to keep your mouth shut about it. Instead you play cool and decide this isn’t my problem. As the d-day approaches, you cower behind the confrontation line and wait for the fireworks to die down. Deep inside, you know you could have done something to change this moment.

Complimenting your friend when she puts on makeup and resembles a Christmas tree or she dresses up like a scarecrow is also a lie. You puff up her ego only to have it deflated by ridicule from strangers.

Another common lying event is when a friend wants you to leave your relationship because they are into your partner. They magnify mistakes your better half does by adding salt and mud to the truth in order to make them look ugly and unfit for you. Hell, some even make up stories of how they betrayed you so that you can end the relationship and they can finally jump in to fill the empty space you left!

Keep your enemies close and your friends closer.

  • Unreliability

One major function of a friend is to provide support. A friend with no backbone to do what others can’t is lame. Life is not always roses and scented candles on a buffet table. Having a hand to help in troubled times, when family is unreachable, is what gives friendship meaning. If your friend is rarely available when you need help, buckle up and drive away. Some races are not worth fueling for.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

  • Opportunists

Leeches, that is what i call these type of pals. They are with you when wallet is loaded and bank account overflowing with numbers that will make a calculator indicate ‘error’.

There are two types: the users and the spenders.

The users are the broke friends who use you as an ATM. When you go out, the bill is handled by you; they borrow loans from you which they never return for they know you are loaded. They incite you to become a spendthrift for their benefit and in turn shower you with flattery and compliments. Once your money springs run dry, these kind of friends vanish with the drought.

Spenders are the friends with money. They only hangout with their kind, the rich. Spenders will compel you to prove you can afford what they have. If they buy something painstakingly expensive,they will pressure you to do the same. These are the type of friends who will pool their credit cards together and pick one from the rest to pay up the summed bill. In the end, you end up hurt and used. And if the mint stops generating the cash you need to keep up with this lifestyle, the spenders kick you out of their midst to fend for yourself.

This is a man-eat-man world, every man for himself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: