‘ I want a woman who can cook, clean, give me babies and take care of me. ‘
‘I want a wife who will take care of of my every need. ‘
‘A wife should serve her husband in every capacity he wants. She should be submissive. ‘
African men desire to marry the perfect idea of a wife. From a young age, it is believed that men are greatly attached to their mothers, and this attachment influences their choices on marriage partners.
Everyone longs for a someone to take care of them just like their mothers. To clean after them, make a home from a cold house, raise their children, soothe and cuddle them in trouble times just like their mothers.
Marriage choices by men are subconsciously influenced by the women who had once existed in their lives as they grew up. The roles of females in the upbringing of the boy child should not be taken lightly, because there is a high probability men will treat their future wives the way their father treated them and even make choices according to the differences or similarities they exhibit when contrasted with the female figures who were in their lives.
As for women, their marriage choices are largely influenced by both parents. A man is chosen based on how much his behaviour is similar or different from the girl’s father or any other close male relatives; the mother influences the girl’s choice on how a man should provide, treat and be responsible to his lady.
Those without parents or guardians draw their standards from experience and those around them. By observing and taking into heart the miseries and joy of others, they create a criteria from which they choose their spouses. The idea on how their woman should behave or carry themselves is imprinted on them by outside environment. This is also true to children brought up in households where parent-child relationship is lacking or strained.
The question whether the man’s wife should be a mirror of his mother or be just her own self, determines how long the marriage lasts. Men who want ‘mothers’ tend to be rigid in accepting the fact that his wife can not be a photocopy of the original and that every woman is different in how they care for a man.
Such men may insist on finding a woman who can replicate his mother’s dishes without error, and this is an impossible task. They may also search for a woman who can take care of him in the exact way his mama did, and this limits their options because every woman is different.
Looking for a wife should be more of finding a companion, a best friend and a lover, not an exact replica of a motherly figure you envisioned.