To the one i will never have: when your crush doesn’t like you back. 💘


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image from @qveengolde instagram.com

I am not the most beautiful or dazzling lady you have ever seen but I assure you that I own a heart like every other woman. From the start, romance has never been a piece of cake for me, instead, it became the core of my miserable memories. Like every young person, having a crush is inevitable.

You can’t control the feeling of being swept away in your own thoughts, thinking of the sweet moments you might share with them if they gave you a chance. Some even go further into fantasy weddings and the babies they will raise together; the fancy names the babies will have and the type of house they will live in.

Personally, the far I have ever gone into imagination is holding hands and reveling in the idea of all my naysayers biting their tongues as they see me strutting along the hallways, with my dream guy. Hehe, it never got that far. It never even got to the stage of going out on a date. Here is my story:

Crush #1

He was heaven sent. He was all muscles and sinews, square jaw but with soft features. His nose was just right and his eyebrows were as bushy as the squirrel’s tail ( mine are the perfect example of a God-given joke. They are very thin like a sewing thread, making my face appear empty). He was waaaaaay over the standard mark of what a handsome man should look like, not to mention his caramel skin and perfectly lined teeth (the-straight-and-numerous-kind you see in toothpaste models).

As you can see, he was out of my league and reach, both physically and romantically. He was very popular and had bagged himself one beautiful girl who was as yellow as a banana. I met him on my way to a lecture that was located a million light years away from my residence. He was laughing with a group of dudes when I first glanced in his direction. I remember that moment I held my breath.

Everything was in slow motion, even the sounds became mute. It was just him and I, dancing together, at close quarters in the assembly hall, to some slow music I had no idea of ( i normally listen to soft rock and a bit of African pop music). Until his girlfriend stepped into the picture and the bubble burst. He was taken and could never be mine.

Crush #2

This one, I met while traveling back to campus from a tiresome day at the HELB offices to secure my student loan. He sat next to me in the bus and was fidgeting with his phone. After a while of restlessness, he asked me if I was a student and I nodded an affirmative.

He was in luck. I was going to the same campus as he was, but for a project matter. His college shared a partnership with my uni. From there, we exchanged numbers and spent the whole day strolling on campus.

He had this big cute eyes ( like those of a cat begging for food) and a cool attitude. His voice was relaxing to hear and I enjoyed having long phone conversations with him. However, this only lasted for a month because of his serious personality.

He was an engineer, I was a geneticist, therefore we were from two different worlds. I hated maths, he loathed biology. Whenever I talked of exciting biology stuff I did, he would sulk and get angry. He thought I was showing off my biology prowess. His negative energy was draining. The last straw was when he called me a dog after an argument. I let him drop into oblivion as soon as I added his name to the blacklist.

Crush #3

Number three is the worst of all. I met him in a leadership training programme I had talked myself into (I am a lover of small crowds and spending time alone with my thoughts). Therefore, I joined this leadership programme only to obtain a certificate -to lengthen my underfed CV- and not to socialize.

With this in mind, I went to the first meeting hoping it would be short so that I’d be on my merry way home. As I skulked in a corner spying an open door ready to sneak out, I met his gaze. It was brief and awkward. He appeared to be searching for someone in the nearby groups ( how unlucky it wasn’t me). I aborted my mission to go out and I decided to steal glances at him, taking in his slender figure and hidden smiles in the dim lit room.

Six weeks into the programme, I was fully infatuated beyond my heart’s capacity. Eventually, I decided to swallow my fear and approach the lion’s den. A week before, he had carried me on his back on some team building activity and I had the pleasure to have him up close (lucky me!).

At the last leg of the safari camp, I approached him. It seems he knew I had a crush on him. As I gathered the courage to talk to him, he grabbed a full bucket of water that was beside him and emptied its contents on me. He said in laughter, ” Someone told me it was your birthday.” I was drenched in soapy water, my shoes squelched when I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

I rode the bus back to campus dripping wet and shivering in the night. Not to mention he pinched my arm as he left me standing in a pool of water. He sat at the back in the bus laughing and jesting with a group of young guys from the camp. I heard my name peppering their conversations followed by more laughter. Yep, he made me cry. And I hated him for it.

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