Last week I was watching a popular American series that automatically changed my views on abusive marriages. One of the major character’s sister had just finalized the divorce with her husband who was abusive.
According to the series, the boy, an only child, grew up in a violent home. His young mind understood that fists and a sharp tongue are what gets things moving in the right direction.
After the divorce, the sisters spotted marks on her hand. A reason why she exclusively wears sleeves to cover up the bruises. In the end, they found out that their 18-year old nephew is the one who beats up their sister (his mother). This a classic shift from victim to abuser.
Women are not the only victims of violence in marriage. Countless of African men suffer in the hands of violent wives.
These type of wives are mainly controlling, and think men should bow down to their every whim. They use the tactic of imposing guilt on their men for the mistakes they did. Some look for even the smallest problem in order to beat up their men.
Parents should realize that children get hurt during fights. For this reason, if you are in an abusive marriage, get out! Not only to preserve your life but also the sanity of your child(ren).
It may not be physical but psychological. Healing the mind is way tougher than healing physical scars.
Abusive marriages are as a result of many things. One of them is Drugs and Alcohol. Secondly, mental illness. For instance depression, bi-polar, and schizophrenia. Thirdly, infidelity and financial issues. Others include family and work pressure, overprotectiveness, and male chauvinism.
Children from a violent background become:
- Victims to abuse
- Better people than their parents
Abusers are normally mentally unstable. They blame the world for what happened to them.
Since bitterness and anger festers in their souls, they channel the dark side through violence. Some children end up being violent against their parent(s). Others abuse their spouses. Those who abuse their spouses do so since they resemble their parents.
Spouses may receive the beatings because the actual parents of the abusers are not there or they find it difficult to approach them. Another case is, the children of the victim undergo the same thing their parents experienced as kids. The parent will be like ‘I lived this life as a kid. Why should my children live better than I did? I got through it, they will too.’ This is the reason why many modern families are screwed up.
If you are a victim of abuse, stop dating and think first. Psychology says you are attracted to people who resemble your personality. If you are broken and hurting, you attract a person who is exactly like that. Therefore, you have to deal with the past and let sleeping dogs lie.
Apart from this, you should never ignore your gut instinct. When your body and mind says no, RUN! When you feel something is off with that person, RUN! Be like the flash… RUN BARRY, RUN! Your life depends on it.