Why marriage, cheating, and divorce are becoming common patterns.

.....Only to find out later that he had deleted the string of steamy messages and she had no way of proving it. She confessed she could not leave despite his cheating ways. When the radio host asked why, she couldn't explain clearly.

Am pretty sure young Kenyan men are left to wonder why their female counterparts are not in a hurry to walk down the isle to say their vows. The women here are a breed that don’t see the value of marriage where money and quality are a concern. First of all, why would any woman agree to an eternal vow only to break it when times get hard. Plus, why would a man swear in front of a congregation when he clearly knows the words hold no value to him? This brings us to the question why many african women are now after money and marriage.

Parlaying in Paris Artwork by Kevin A. Williams

This morning I woke up to a heated discussion on my favourite radio station about women who snoop around their husband’s phones and laptops for evidence of infidelity. Not to mention the high profile divorce case of one popular politician doing rounds in the media after his wife found evidence of cheating texts on his cell phone. The radio callers were enthusiastic on their cause.

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One of them commented, “Women should stop complaining about their man’s unfaithfulness. It is in our blood. Our forefathers took more than one wife. Women of that time had no issue with polygamy. It is normal for a man to cheat.”

A woman caller seemed to agree with that. She found her husband of 5 years flirting with one of his collegues via phone messages. When she went to confront him, he denied vehemently. Only to find out later that he had deleted the string of steamy messages and she had no way of proving it. She confessed she could not leave despite his cheating ways. When the radio host asked why, she couldn’t explain clearly. She just said it’s meant to be that way and that marriage requires perserverance.

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Another listener called in to say his wife has been tormenting him with allegations of cheating. Yet he was as blameless as a saint. He claimed that a message from his female collegue turned his wife cold and scary. The message, according to him was not flirtatious. It was only a compliment on how his workmate saw him as ‘tall, dark, and a very hardworking man who deserves admiration.’ Also, he complained how the lack of messages in his phone is attracting more trouble and scrutiny from his wife.

Photo by Nicholas Githiri on

“My wife thinks I delete romantic messages when she finds my inbox full of service provider messages and no hint of personal messages. She thinks I am cheating on her. Now, I can’t even rest. She looks at me with very murderous eyes.”

So, where did we go wrong as Africans in marriage? As a matter of fact, infidelity cases have risen within Africa and not only in Kenya. No wonder younger ladies are willing to go after money and not marriage. Other’s prefer being mistresses since there is the peace of mind that comes with it. Atleast they are not on the receiving end of unfaithfulness. Many other women develop a taste for infidelity. Indeed, why would they be faithful yet their counterparts are cheating left-right-center in relationships?

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A large percentage of women are looking forward to marrying foreigners claiming europeans and asians are less promiscous than the African man.

Then, do we have hope for a better marriage system? Sincerely, hope is a pipe dream for 21st youngsters. Even from the tender age of 15, a teenager has had more than 10 gilfriends/boyfriends. Imagine if that same youngster grows to be 25. How many exes will they have? Mayebe 30 or 100. who knows? Recently, I met a man younger than me by 4 years. He had just complete high school and was waiting to join campus. I recall him telling me his heart has been broken 5 times now. Reason is his exes cheated on him on the basis he was too cute to be faithful. So they too had to boost their ego by cheating. He experiences this yet he was barely 20. His story is one of the many stories circulating among the youths of today. So, is there hope for better marriages in future?

Cheating partners and suspicious spouses are what makes marriages unattractive.

From personal experience, I too have suffered from broken promises. I found out through his social media chats. I remember asking him why he did that. He said he was tired of the arguments and wanted to end the whole thing but he couldn’t. Still I didn’t understand why he would rather cheat than just walk out of the relationship like a gentleman and start over like a real man. To cut the story short, I chose the right way to end things. Like him, this is why many men and women cheat. They are afraid to tell their partners they cannot go on. They pretend that what was holding them together is still there, yet it is gone.

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Others would base their cheating on love, saying that they are in love with two people. How is that even possible? If you love another person it simply means that the first is not the center of your world any more.

Is there a way to solve this issue? I believe every problem has a solution. Therefore, this too has a solution. The answer that would solve this riddle is the word TRUTH. Be honest. I you are tired, bored, and out of love, please, say it. It is unnecessary to cheat on your spouse. If you want change and not routine, say it! Thers’s no need to look for change in another person. Truth makes things simpler and easier to manage than lying. Just tell the truth and set yourself free form resentment. Many marriages are still standing because of lies. It’s just a matter of time before the foundation of lies crumbles when the truth comes out.

One comment

  1. Your post left out nothing on the sad subject matter. I feel we need to realize that a relationship is built on the foundation of bold honesty. We also need to realize that decently managing a relationship is not for the faint mind. It’s serious and requires a level of maturity which most partners are not sincere enough to admit they do not have.
    Pretty sad that something designed to bring fulfillment, happiness, and motivation often brings us so much pain cause we do not understand the basic principles of success with relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

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